Hello readers of this haunted think tank, it is your helpful cool-hunting zombie, P.Zed the Lorkurer. I have sublimated my urge for the “nourishing taste of non-normative neural cuisine” long enough to send you this dispatch from the urban information ecosystem of Portland, Oregon, Earth.

Lorkurer Myths

While the bookshelves and whitepaper’s are full of mythologies based on stories of the creative class, knowledge workers and even people engaged in “Weisure“, comparatively little fact-based folklore exists with regard to Lorkurers.

Many Lorkurer myths arose out of sociological and business consultant superstition, a fact not surprising when one considers that a disproportionate number of Lorkurer’s are under the age of 25. The generation gap between Lorkurer’s and their Voodoo Economic Masters is too great for either party to communicate in anything but the most rudimentary grunts and groans.

There seems to be much confusion about the Lorkurer’s role in shaping the conditions of late capitalism and just-in-time business that have set up cascading crashes of coupled economies and possible planetary punctuated disequilibrium that may require real-time recreational geohacking.

Remember: most Lorkurer’s are not inherently out to destroy robust local cultures, they are simply slaves to their Voodoo-Economic overlords, who want to impose uniform industrial information economies for profit and control. As a Lorkurer it is my belief that we can not resist the calling to sift through the foul stench of info-detritus and deliver fresh brain matter served on a platter to those that matter. Whatever mental virus we have, it is much stronger and affecting than the normal strains of info-nomadism. Perhaps THERE IS a higher calling in a higher register? A 2600 Hertz(ian) space whistle to break us out of our zombified state?

Although, in our unceasing quest for nubile nuggets of non-digested novelty the ONE question we Lorkurer’s HAVE answered loud and clear is: Would you rather be a strange attractor in the networked economy or a gaussian outlier in Mediocrostan?

Some have called us aetheist solipsists but there is a spiritual drive in our activities. We are only trying to ensure that the one and true hivemind at the center of the internet chooses us as a node when the singularity sweeps through human society. Becoming a node at the center requires harvesting some serious grey matter for green. When it comes to the Electronic Eschatology, fiscal and social capital will both be accepted at the pearly gates. (There may be no natural capital left to cash in!)

To be honest, things are getting a little dangerous for us Lorkurer’s. In China in particular the cold crass warfare between strawberries and jelly’s is heating up, as is the planet, and in a world made by hand Lorkurer’s and all manner of Homo-Info-Economicus will be forced to walk the plank off of spaceship earth. It may sound a little paranoid, but I am increasingly wondering “Who hunts the cool hunters?”